i am the proud owner of the world's dumbest dog

When I came home from work today, I discovered that Snugglepuss had gotten her head stuck in a blanket sometime during the day. At first glance I started to panic because I was pretty sure she couldn't breathe, but then I noticed her tail start to wag. She wasn't dying, so it was perfectly acceptable to grab the camera and make fun of her. Bailey joined in too, because we're an incredibly supportive family.

I love this shot of her after she freed one of her paws. It only took another minute or two for her to figure out how to shred the blanket and free herself.


My entertainment quota for the day has now been met. Thanks, Snugglewugglepuss. Maybe I'll even let you sleep with us on the bed tonight.

this is the soundtrack to my life

When Bailey attempts to play with Maggie, it sounds like the poor dog is being beaten to death with a stick. I'm certain our neighbors are curious about the activities that are happening on the other side of their wall. Mario Ryan and I are waiting for the day when the cops show up on our doorstep demanding to know what the hell is making all of that noise. And when I point at Snugglewugglepuss in the corner, I know there is no way in hell they're going to believe me.

To get the full effect, turn the volume up. Way way up.

no one messes with snugglepuss

Maggie is totally hard core. We try to soften her image with a pink polka dot collar, but her tat is a dead giveaway to just how tough she really is. You should see the fighting techniques she learned during the few years she spent in the slammer.

the day my heart was broken beyond repair

When my mom first met Maggie Snugglepuss last weekend, she took one look at her and said, "That dog is WEIRD looking." Before I go any further, let me tell you that my mom is the owner of this...

This is Lizzy, but I call her Izzy. Isn't Izzy a much cuter name for a dog? Yes, I agree. My mom adopted Lizzy from an animal shelter about a year ago. I know what you're thinking. THAT DOG CAME FROM AN ANIMAL SHELTER?! But I tell you no lies. This one-eyed beauty really came from an animal shelter. One day I will tell you the story about how my mom became the proud owner of Lizzy, but for now I will continue with the story about the day my mom ripped the beating heart out of my chest, threw it on the ground, and spit on it.

I had been so excited for my mom to meet Maggie. After all, she is The Dog Lady, and Maggie is just about the cutest dog you've ever seen. With those Puss in Boots eyes and her big floppy ears, she looks like a puppy. AND, on top of all that, SHE'S A PUREBRED! A real beauty queen in the family! I was just certain she would steal my mom's heart. But instead, my mom tells me she thinks she's weird looking. I was speechless. Maggie? Weird looking? My pride and joy? I looked at my mom with an expression of complete shock and she responded with, "What?! Weird isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just...her ears and her eyes are so giant!" I was heartbroken. Absolutely devastated. All weekend my mother tried to convince me she thinks Maggie is adorable, but I KNOW THE TRUTH.

Maggie was also hurt by this comment, and all week we have been working with her on her self-esteem. We've been teaching her to embrace her unique qualities, not be embarrassed by them. Let's be honest, are these ears not fantastic?!

Snugglewugglepuss still melts my heart.

dear mom, this post mentions voiding

Snugglepuss and I have a bit of a love-hate relationship. I swear I would have already taken her out with the trash if it wasn't for those damn Puss in Boot eyes. House training this dog has taken every last bit of my patience. Most people struggle getting their dog to relieve themselves outdoors. But you know what we struggle with? Getting this dog to relieve herself AT ALL, whether it be inside or outside. I have no idea how is it possible for a 20-pound dog to not pee for OVER 24 HOURS! But I'll tell you what I do know, and that is that she does not come from the same genetic line as Ol' Man Ryan, who pees every 30 minutes. I nearly hyperventilated last time we were at Disneyland and spent half the day searching for restrooms. Bathroom breaks at Disneyland are not time efficient. I learned at a very young age the rules of Disneyland - Eat Lunch During Parades, Always Stay to the Left (now retracted, as everyone knows that rule), and the newest addition, NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE BEGS DO NOT GIVE RYAN A SIP OF YOUR PINEAPPLE FLOAT!

I wish Maggie had a bit of this trait. Instead, Ryan and I spend 80% of our time at home outside, begging Maggie to pee, just a bit, please Maggie, just for me, the woman who SAVED YOUR LIFE, I will never ask anything of you again if you grant me this one wish. She may think peeing is a waste of time, and I can't say I disagree with her, but I am getting desperate. Mornings are particularly difficult, Ryan and I each spending 20 minutes walking Maggie around and around the complex, pleading with God to grant us one squat.

I do have to give Maggie some credit as things have recently improved. We now occasionally come home to discover she found it appropriate to pee all over herself because those 40 minutes outside this morning were not sufficient time to find the perfect spot to do her business. I understand this doesn't sound like an improvement, but it is. After dealing with a dog that has cost over $1000 in UTI medical bills, peeing on herself is better than not peeing at all. I can handle giving the dog a bath and washing her kennel pad, as long as vet bills aren't cutting into my shoe fund.

As I sit her, Maggie is giving me those famous eyes, making me feel guilty about even pressing the "Publish Post" button. And it's hard to resist these eyes, but I refuse to let her manipulate me anymore.

maggie snugglepuss

I introduce to you the newest member of our household, Maggie. I'm not going to lie, she's pretty fantastic. My favorite thing about her is the fact that she looks like she's wearing dark dramatic eyeliner. It makes her look a little rebellious. Every time I look at her I can hear my mom saying, "You look like two burnt holes in a blanket! Go take off that eye makeup." You will notice as an adult I still never wear eyeliner. All those years of my mom hinting at the fact I look like a street walker have made me self-conscious about my makeup application technique.

I am not going to promise that when you meet her, her name will still be Maggie. Yesterday it was Ellie, and this morning it was Molly. We're just trying some names on for size. I do, however, promise her middle name will remain "Snugglepuss."